Bismillah.
Hi, Assalamualaikum, meet you again after a while. How are you ? Hows your life ? Are you happy ? Are you feel contented? Hopefully you're doing well. Be happy and always know what you are doing okay. Hehe.
Me ? Hmm. No different. Or maybe a bit progress. Now I'm doing my third rotation for my housemanship, in Orthopedics. Almost 3 months now, one month left to finish this rotation. Seems like great, it is ? I manage to catch the pace. But something lost. Again.
I feel empty. I'm not happy. I'm always in stress and tired. I'm in negative state almost all the time. No space to be positive when what I need to face everyday is only workload and discourangement words from superiors and also my collegues. After several attempt to quit, I manage to stand still. But the feeling of doubt is there. Never go.
After 9 years, I dont know what I have learnt about medicine. Its all like empty head and empty heart. Its like, i just squeeze everything in when exam are coming and pour it again when exam are over. And now, im just being a slave to my superiors, to do all the active plan from their plan of management to every patient. I dont really have chance to learn what and why they manage that way.
I hang there. And keep on hanging. Hoping that one day, i will grow and I will become more passionate. But turn out I become more lost and empty.Thinking about quit again even everyone keep on talking that Orthopedics is the most okay one. But I'm not feeling so.
I just miss Arabic. I miss agama. I miss Tafseer, my favourite things.
But do I have enough passion to further Arabic ?
Do I still have chances to change my career at this age ?
Do I success if I decided to quit medicine ? What if I failed ?
I just dont know.
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